Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
