I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
