I'm going to jail i love you
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your penis caused this!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
