I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
