i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
