If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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