You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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