i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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