He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize