I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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