Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
