Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
