there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
