Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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