he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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