and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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