A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i drank out of a bidet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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