She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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