anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
