video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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