The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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