Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
