I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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