I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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