The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm always down for nudity.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
