3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
