Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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