he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
is wine microwaveable?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
