Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
