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By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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