My nipple is on Facebook.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine