I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave