Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
