I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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