That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
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If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.