You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
