my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
