hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
