Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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