OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I understand Curling. That high.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Randomize
