So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
