What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
