The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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