Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
