maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
