No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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