Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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