Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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