Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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