oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
