If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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