the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
