i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
