I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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