Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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