I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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