THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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