I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
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I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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