oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
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You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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