I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
