drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
True college students do jello shots in the library
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
