I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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