I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
