end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
